Tis the *@$%)&!)(@L#!! Season

I'm cranky.

It's not really about Christmas time or anything, although I feel a bit overwhelmed with it all this year and I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way. It is enough that I KNOW I feel this way that is keeping me tied in knots. But that isn't why I'm cranky.

I have a tooth ache and while I ignore the pain a realization came to me today. A realization that disgusts me. A realization that makes me believe that human beings can sometimes SUCK!

I guess I should say ... not all human beings SUCK but I believe we probably have all sucked at one time or another. I believe we have all done something that is pretty shitty sometime in our lives. Fess up! Come on! You know that there is at least one offensive thing you have done! Most of us, can laugh about it now. Most of us have seriously minor infractions.

I'm looking at my new identification cards for my new dental insurance plan and it frustrates me. My tooth hurts and I know it's gonna cost me money and probably some serious pain.

I had a incident with a dentist some time back and it left a really bad taste in my mouth. Simply put, a dentist seriously took advantage of me and my lack of knowledge of the insurance industry (THIS IS WHAT PISSES ME OFF!). I don't ask for other people to know about my job and my technical lingo ... but be warned ... if you don't know everything there is to know about dentists that ACCEPT insurance versus those that PARTICIPATE you could receive a bill for $500 in the mail for fillings in BABY TEETH (white ones of course, because silver ones are completely covered for baby teeth ... the white ones are not). The insurance company paid over $300 for these fillings and I had to pay close to $500 ... $800 to fill 3 baby teeth which took less than 2 hours in total. Yep. No wonder this particular dentist lives in Upper Saint Clair.

That was several years ago and it pisses me off because I asked the correct questions I just didn't use their technical terms and because I didn't I was responsible for the money.

Today it rushes at me because I have to call my dentist and possibly others to find one that PARTICIPATES in my new dental plan. If they merely accept my insurance it means they ACCEPT the money that the insurance company sends them BUT they can BILL me for the remaining cost (at their discretion). If the dentist PARTICIPATES in the insurance plan, this means they must accept the payment that the insurance sends them as payment in full (excluding whatever copay you have with the plan).

If all people were decent and kind - I would have understood this concept BEFORE I was sent a bill for $500; but this is the only way for this particular dentist to afford his luxury home in Upper Saint Clair you see ...

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Merry *@$%)&!)(@L#!! Christmas everyone.



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I guess it's all about perspective.

Look at these images if you are feeling a bit out of sorts ... it will put you back on the right track.

The Best of Photojournalism 2006 (Enterprise Picture Story) and then go back a level for even more pictures with a story to tell.

Yep, that'll do it for sure. My gripings hardly compare to what others endure.

A Work In Progress

I've been very hard at work coming up with my list of sexy songs.

I've listened to many friends (on Facebook); I added some recommendations; I didn't add them all because some songs are just plain hard to find.

And in the end I've realized it's not the lyrics that make a great song great ... at least not for me... I like angst most of all.

Some songs are about heartache not sex ... but that to me is still sexy. The pain caused by love is sexy to me. Guess I'm a bit of a masochist; not really but love is love and whether it feels good or bad ... it makes the blood flow and makes the days of dullness disappear. Isn't that what we want most of all...excitement, newness, specialness ... to feel something.

And that is sexy!

So enough chatter.

My List (so far)

Ain't No Sunshine - Bill Withers
All Cried Out - Alison Moyet
All I Want is You - U2
All of My Love - Led Zeppelin
All Right Now - Free
All The Girls Love Alice - Elton John
Amoreena - Elton John
And I love Her - Beatles
Babe - Styx
Baby Blue - DMB
Baby Can't Wait - Maktub
Baby Its You - Smith
Baby, I love Your Way - Peter Frampton
Beautiful Crazy - Space Raiders
A Beautiful Morning - The Rascals
Best I Ever Had - Vertical Horizon
Beth - Kiss
Between the Sheets - Isley Brothers
The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
Can't Get Enough - Bad Company
Can't Get You Out of my Head - Kylie Minogue
Can't Help Falling In Love - UB40
Candy's Room - Bruce Springsteen
Cannonball - Damien Rice
Caught Up In You - 38 Special
Closer - NIN
The Closer I Get to You - Roberta Flack
Come Back and Stay - Paul Young
Come Back to Bed - John Mayer
Come Be with Me - Bird York
Comin' Back to Me - Jefferson Airplane
Cradle of Love - Billy Idol
Crash Into Me - DMB
Crazy - Patsy Cline
Crazy on You - Heart
Crush - Jennifer Paige
D'yer Mak'er - Led Zeppelin
Destiny - Zero 7
Dirty Little Girl - Elton John
Distant Lover - Marvin Gaye
Do I Move You - Nina Simone
Do Ya Think I'm Sexy - Rod Stewart
Do You Wanna Touch Me? - Joan Jet
Don't Cry - Guns N Roses
Don't Give Up - Peter Gabriel
Don't Panic - Coldplay
Euphoria - Delerium
Every time I think of you - The Babys
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Feel Like Makin Love - Bad Company
Feelin' Love - Paula Cole
The First Taste - Fiona Apple
The First Time Ever I saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
Flesh for Fantasy - Billy Idol
Flow - Nuno Bettencourt
Flower - Liz Phair
Futuresex Lovesound - Justin Timberlake
Giving Him Something He Can Feel - Aretha Franklin
Got to Get You Into My Life - Beatles
Green Eyes - Coldplay
The Heart Brings You Back - Blues Traveler
Here I Go Again - Whitesnake
Here Without You - 3 Doors Down
Here, There and Everywhere - Beatles
Hold On Loosely - 38 Special
The Hounds of Winter - Sting
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart - Al Green
How Deep is Your Love - Bee Gees
Hungry For Your Love - Van Morrison
I'd Do Anything for Love - Meat Loaf
I'll Be your Lover too - Van Morrison
I'm In You - Peter Frampton
I'm Still in Love with You - Al Green
I've Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding
I've Fallen In Love With You - Joss Stone
I've Got to see You Again - Norah Jones
I Am Ready for Love - India.Arie
I can't tell You Why - Eagles
I Couldn't Love You More - Sade
I Do What I Do - John Taylor
I Had A Dream - Joss Stone
I Hate Myself for Loving you - Joan Jeff
I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew
I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know - Blood, Sweat and Tears
I Need A Man- Eurythmics
I Never Loved A Man - Aretha Franklin
I Only Have Eyes For You - The Flamingos
I Want You (She's So Heavy) - Beatles
I Want You - Alana Davis
I Want You - Marvin Gaye
I Was Made for Lovin' You - Kiss
If I Should Lose You - Nina Simone
In the Waiting Line - Zero 7
In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
Is This Love - Whitesnake
It's a Man's Man's Man's World - James Brown
Just to be Close to you - Commodores
Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer ????
The Lemon Song - Led Zepplin
Let Me Put My Love Into You - ACDC
Lets Get it On - Marvin Gaye
The Letter - Joe Cocker
Like a Stone - Audioslave
Little Wing - Jimi Hendrix
Love and Happiness - Al Green
Love Walked in - Thunder
Lover - Devendra Banhart
Maybe - Alison Krauss
Maybe I'm Just Blind - 3 Doors Down
Maybe Tomorrow - Stereophonics
Melissa - The Allman Brothers Band
Midnight - Yaz
Miracles - Jefferson Starship
Misguided Angel - Cowboy Junkies
Mmm - Laura Izibor
Moonlight Mile - The Rolling Stones
More and More - Blood, Sweat and Tears
My Heart Can't Tell Me No - Rod Stewart
Never Tear Us Apart - Inxs
Never, Never Gonna Give You Up - Barry White
No More I Love Yous - Annie Lennox
Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Conner
Perfect World - Laura Izibor
Piece of My Heart - Big Brother & the Holding Company
Playground Love - Air
Rain - Candlebox
The Reason - Hoobastank
Reason Why - Rachael Yamagata
Restless - Alison Krauss
Ring On The Sill - Cowboy Junkies
Rush You - Baby Animals
Sex - Berlin
Shadow Boxer - Fiona Apple
She's Always A Woman - Billy Joel
Slave To Love - Bryan Ferry
Sleep to Dream Her - DMB
Slow Like Honey - Fiona Apple
So Far Away - Staind
Somewhere Down the Crazy River - Robbie Robertson
Song to the Siren - Robert Plant
Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word - Joe Cocker
Stay - Coal
Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung
Sweet Painted Lady - Elton John
Sweet Thing - Van Morrison
Sweet Thing - Chaka Khan
Sweetest Thing - U2
Then We'll Know - Maktub
These Eyes - Guess Who
This City Never Sleeps - Eurythmics
To Make You Feel My Love - Billy Joel
Try A Little Tenderness - Otis Redding
Werewolf - Cat Power
What Am I Gonna Do With You - Barry White
What Do I Have To Do - Stabbing Westward
When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge
Where Are You Going - DMB
Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
Why Don't We Do It in the Rain - Beatles
Wicked Game - Chris Isaak
Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones
Wild Is The Wind - Nina Simone
Willow - Joan Armatrading
With or Without you - U2
You're a God - Veritcal Horizon
You've Made Me So Very Happy - Blood, Sweat & Tears
You Belong to Me - Michael Buble
You Can Leave Your Hat On - Joe Cocker
You Don't Have To Say You Love Me - Dusty Springfield
You Really Got Me - The Kinks
You Still Need Me - Baby Animals
You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth - Meat Loaf
You Will Be My Ain True Love - Alison Krauss
#1 Crush - Garbage

More than a little vindicated

Most of you know that I've had issues with my WildChild until we discovered 'The Feingold Diet' (which is NOT just for ADHD children) and the problems decreased dramatically.

We haven't been too diligent on this diet these days and the affects are obvious. Since Halloween my WildChild has received 4 demerits and what seemed to have been long gone temper tantrums have returned. Lucky me!

Finally...FINALLY...someone that most people respect has stated that there is a definite connection in some kids with food dye consumption and behavior problems.

I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing that millions of Oprah Magazine will read that there is a link and it is best to avoid.

The UK has banned some dyes; and others come with warnings on food.

I feel sooooo much better.

Silliness

I am crazy!

I am ... you are ... we are ... YEPPERS. The whole world is crazy.

UGH, unfortunately the whole world is NOT crazy.

There are some sane individuals on this planet. I don't particularly like the sane people. I think they disturb the fabric of the universe by sending us partially insane individuals off kilter; they make us question our insanity; they treat us like we are irresponsible or silly or just plain stupid.

What is that all about? Hmmm?

Aren't seriously insane people happier? Don't they stress less, live longer? Don't they get to play games and finger paint and create all day versus of us mildly insane people that sit in a cubical 8-10 hours a day WISHING and WANTING to finger paint and create and play all day?

I think the seriously insane did it right and we are the ones that are holding onto a bit of sanity that we have left and it's because of them. YEP. The sane ones, they judge us ... they insist that we hold on to the itty bit of sanity we have left.

I hate [expletives] hate sane people ...especially the ones without a sense of humor ... damn.

Can we send all of the sane people, especially the ones without a sense of humor to another planet ... let them live out there in space for awhile. I'm sure at the beginning they would love to have a community full of all sane people; all functional and responsible.

After a year or two or three the lack of oxygen will affect their brains, possibly make them certifiably insane and us mildly insane folks will RULE THE UNIVERSE.

I guarantee the mildly insane will not choose to sit in cubicles all day.

Mildly insane people UNITE!

Hmmm?

Is it a plan?





I couldn't decide which one to post ... different versions of insanity; both so lovely.

This post was inspired by this song. The song spontaneously popped into my brain today. That is my story and I'm sticking to it, unless you torture me and then I may tell ya just about anything.

Something new ... or borrowed but not blue

It is said that a blogger must decide it's niche and stick to it to ensure loyal readers.

I say FIE!

Well, I say that primarily because I think I lost most of my loyal readers a long time ago when I stopped blogging for several months.

So I am announcing a bit of a switcheroo on the blogging niche for me.

I am and will forever me a MOMMY BLOGGER. I do love writing about my darling girlys, but ShowStopper hasn't been much of a pleaser these days (very mouthy and full of preteen angst) and the WildChild hasn't been much of a wild child (radically changing her diet mellowed her out nicely). I think it means I need to give them new nicknames...but that is indeed for another post.

This particular post is about ME! Yep, ME! Exciting and Energetic ME!

HA!

Well, lets just say that soon I will be both.

I am changing my diet. I am going RAW! I will be eating mostly uncooked foods (there are rules that apply here but we will get into all of it soon enough) in the hopes to improve my overall health, skin and weight maintenance (oh, and the most unsung benefit of them all ... looking YOUNGER!!!!!)

Can you believe I will accomplish all of those things simply by NOT cooking the food I eat? This doesn't mean I'll be eating raw eggs and raw meat ... no this means I'll be eating mostly fruits, vegetables and nuts in a variety of ways.

I will blog about my journey and provide you with information about why and how and where ... and about my successes and my failures ... things that I am learning or unlearning about nutrition. I hope this will be fun for you. I'll still write about other things too, but already I have learned so much that I feel I need to share these wonderful helpful amazing concepts and ideas with you. While I was writing this post I was snacking on some raw pumpkin seeds and it's as good as a place as any to talk about the benefits of raw foods; so here are some fun facts about raw pumpkin seeds (aka pepitas).


Raw Pumpkin Seeds are a protein rich snack that can be enjoyed all year long.
This wonderful source of nutrients and is naturally rich in essential fatty acids and contains many other nutrients such as magnesium, iron, phosphorus, copper, potassium, niacin, folic acid, zinc, B vitamins, vitamin A, vitamin E, riboflavin, thymine protein, and fiber.

They also contain pantothenic acid, unsaturated oils and antioxidants.

More on the Nutrition of Pumpkin & its Seeds



Here is a recipe, probably not a beginners one but darn it I had to have this one, looks so YUM!

When I Was Their Age

When I was 8 and 9 and 10 I remember sitting on the floor of my grandmothers house and flipping through the pages of the Sears Toy Catalog with tiney bits of drool dripping off of my chin.

My sister is 4 years youngers than me and we would flip through each page with greedy anticipation of Santa bringing us our hearts desire which would have been THE ENTIRE SEARS TOY CATALOG except for the stinking, icky, cucky boys toys. We eagerly flipped through that section quickly.

That catalog provided hours, no days, no weeks of entertainment for my sister and I. We imagined owning the Barbie Dreamhouse, Barbie Airplane, Barbie Convertibles and whatever else Mattel had for Barbies ... not to mention the dolls themselves. Oh and I loved Crissy dolls. Do you remember Crissy?

How about the Tiffany Taylor Doll? That one I had to look up ... I knew it was Taylor but couldn't remember the Tiffany part so I imagine she was a casual fancy. Crissy was never casual. EVER. It was the red hair. That red hair and stunning disco attire that kept me loving her for years and years. I bought a couple of Crissy dolls on eBay for my girls. They love her too. She is still their favorites even thou I have purchased many other updated dolls. They love their Crissy doll most of all.

Funny, huh?

I've digressed because now I have to tell you that my girls are not much interested in toys. How does this happen? They honestly do not want much in the way of toys. My girlys are 7 & 8 and they do not want toys. It is amazing to me.

The other day we got the Justice catalog in the mail and my girls spent hundreds and thousands of dollars on clothes and bags and shoes ... BLAH!

Yesterday someone dropped off an Avon catalog. My girl sat on the couch for hours circling and marking each page with hopeful anticipation that Santa would deliver her hearts desire ... everything from the A-V-O-N catalog.

AVON?

A V O N?

Really? I don't get it?

I just don't get it.

Does Santa have a Avon representative?

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Finally, I Have Something to Say...

I feel almost like a stranger here.

Yes, this is my blog. I created it. I put my thoughts, dreams, nightmares ... yep, I put it all here in black and white for all of you (all 10 or so that you are) to read but yet I feel strange about this.

So much has happened but I guess not enough or not exciting enough to drudge through it all for you.

I have changed and I'm not exactly sure how or why or when or what happened but I am different somehow and I am getting used to my new skin. I shed the old and still trying to feel comfortable in the new. It takes time.

I don't think many of you would even recognize the change but something happened during and after the Disney vacation. Something happened after my laptop crashed and I lost hundreds maybe thousands of pictures. Something happened when my babies started school and are now involved with Flag Football, Bible Quizing and playing the drums.

I think I grew up. (OH THE SHAME OF IT ALL.)

They are no longer babies and I am no longer treating them like babies. A mommy has to grow up too. It is a very tramatic thing to have to do, and I didn't like it much.

The loss of some of my photographs is killer. It is painful! Each night I spend several hours trying to recover what I know is lost. I may be able to send the drive out, spend a grand or more and have most if not all of my photos returned to me but at this point spending a grand on that is NOT financially possible.

So I suffer with the loss. Maybe it is worth a grand for me to NOT suffer.

I think the suffering actually made me ill. I seriously believe it.

So, onward and upwards.

I bought myself a terabyte of network storage. Uploaded my music and pictures to it ... the ones I have managed to salvage and I am healing slowly.

I still have to find a backup solution for the stuff I have been able to save.

How are all of you saving your digital photos? Do you burn DVD's and put them in the fire-safe? Do you save someplace online? I need advise folks so I'm asking the best of the best ... the mommies that would hate to be in my shoes lately.

If you haven't thought of a backup strategy - BE WARNED! DO IT NOW!

It's good to be back.

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Nitey-nite and Kisses

Mr.T reads to the girls most every night.

It is his job.

It is his thing.

Sometimes I try to take away reading time as a punishment when they act up before bedtime but Mr.T insists that this is a part of their development - they both know how to read and they enjoy reading ...

It's more than that to him.

It's his time; his girly time ... when he has them all to himself; when he has their full attention.

After story time, that always seems to last too long...I arrive on the scene to tuck them in and kiss their lovely heads.

My WildChild (who is not so wild lately) has requested that I sing her a song nearly every night. This is after story time, after the lights are out, after both girlys are snuggled into their beds (they sleep in the same room in bunk beds).

I do not have a large selection of lullabies and I believe I mentioned this before (so excuse me if I am repeating myself).

I sing Silent Night, Close to You (Carpenters), You Are My Sunshine and sometimes Evergreen (Barbara Streisand).

I'm thinking about adding Hoobastank's "The Reason" to my repertoire.

I'm printing the lyrics and I will sing it to her tonight, to see if she wants me to sing it again to her.

She asked me to record my songs for her; so she will have them forever.

My voice is awful. I'm out of tune; and my pitch is awful ... my voice cracks ... but she enjoys my singing for some ungodly reason.

After I am done singing to my WildChild, I stand up and pet the ShowStoppers head, kiss her and tell her that she too is my Sunshine and I love her tons. She smiles and pets my face and kisses me goodnight. The ShowStopper never asks me to sing to her but I know that she listens. I know that she aches for it too but never asks me to sing her a song. Tonight I shall sing to each one of my girlys, individually.


The lyrics to "The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

The adjectives are coming, I already have a few right off the top of my head:

Stubborn
Headstrong
Determined
Flirtatious
Friendly
Ambitious

Yes ... I am still here

I am a ghost of a blogger these days. I am unable to form full sentences, I can only string together pieces of sentences; ideas ... images.

No real thinking going on here. My mind is in summer mode.

So last night I took the puppy dog for a long walk in the rain.

We've been going on some long walks lately. Trying to get to 5 miles. I'm close very close. 5 miles 2ce a day will be difficult, more likely on weekends, for now.

Last night I could have done 5, but settled on 4 because of the rain. By the time I arrived home after 4 miles in the rain I was pretty much a drown rat. I kid you not.

While I walked, I thought ...

The brain was thinking of snippets of things ... of course. No real thoughts. Only whispers of thought. Images. Lots of images. Wonderful, scary, exciting images.

It occurred to me, during my walk that women are the true thinkers of the species ... but we surround our thoughts with images and flowery language, in an attempt to have our thoughts more lovely and wonderful.

Then I thought about how women have a much greater handle on the English language. A woman could use at least 20 adjectives, pick them right off the top of her head to describe walking in the rain

...walking in the summer rain
...walking the husky dog on a rainy summer evening

cold
cool
refreshing
annoying
cleanly
makes everything sparkle
little droplets
trickling
clammy
dank
soaking
sodden
soggy
swishy
watery
wet
liberating

...and if I were an itty bitty shrunken person, I would be able to walk from here to there without a single droplet falling upon my head...but ohhhhh, if a single droplet should land on one so small, that would be the end of poor little me.

Then I thought about the audiobook I picked up from the library....

a book about seduction ... yeah, should be interesting, huh? HA! It just may be interesting if it were not so horribly written. grrrrr. Awful books piss me off.

Stupid women authors. We are the superior species, but damn it, some of us just should NOT write. I can't read most women authors ... they say things like ... "The adults were chagrin that she was far more adept at play..." and "They bantered jovially as they strove the sidewalk" BANTERED JOVIALLY? Who speaks like that ... damn that is awful stuff.

I just hope I'm not one of those type of women writers. ... but I'm not a writer so I guess I am safe.

Thought about my girl. My little one ... so sweet this week, so very well behaved

The oldest ... driving me insane with her smart mouth. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

A car drove by me and pulled over suddenly and 3 young men got out of the car. I could smell them from across the street. They smelled very young with entirely too much cologne. They were very young and hardly concerned about the husky girl and a drown rat ... but I imagined going over there and talking to them. What would I say? What would they say ... something about "git outta my way you drown rat"... I laughed when I thought of this but by now the boys were nearing their destination and as my mind wandered onto other things I heard some young girls screaming at their new guests. I assume it was a young persons party. Parents away on vacation, hmmmm? The screaming was the excited silly girl scream. My teeth rattled inside of my head. Oh, you silly young girls. Please do not scream like that - young men seriously do not appreciate such things. I wonder if I ever screamed like that?

Ewwww, disgusting thought. I do not believe my voice has ever been able to reach the pitch of those girls. Seriously, even now thinking about it rattles my brain. [shivers] Like nails scraping a blackboard. [shivers more].

I don't believe they still have blackboard in classrooms these days. I used to hate using chalk. I still can't pick up the stuff, makes me shiver. Yuck!



Can you write 20, 30, 50 adjectives to describe yourself. Would others agree with your choices?

Hmmmmmmm, next post (maybe).