Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Discovery

I enjoy being a mother. I adore my girlys. I enjoy doing things with them. There are some days when my smile extends ear to ear knowing that I have made a difference in the lives of my girlys; they depend on me and I them for our happiness. I love being a mother.


BUT ....


There is a duality inside me. A part of me desires to be a loaner, responsible only for myself. Free to not making decisions; NONE (can you imagine it). To live in the here and now.


I find that when I'm alone I am able to discover my strengths and my weaknesses. I can test my limitations. I find that I have more patience and less worries. I have the where-with-all to deal with whatever crisis comes along, without stressing about it. I am able to push myself on toward the goal no matter what it is. When I'm with my girls I take fewer risks, I don't push on, I accept.


I believe discovery time prepares me to be a better mother for them. I need this time to discover new passions. I find new music to love, new forms of art, even new hobbies. When I'm mommy, I notice less of this stuff.


My favorite thing on the planet; is to be alone on the beach in California. My favorite things are that specific. Alas, that is not to be...alone time may be possible; beach may be possible; CA is not (not yet)...BUT is alone time at the beach possible? Possible = yes; probable = nope nope nope.


Oh well, guess I shouldn't be too picky.

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3 comments:

  1. I have always felt you can't truly devote yourself to your kids if you yourself don't take time for yourself. It sounds so selfish, but if we are millions of miles away are we doing any good? Alone time is so important to your personal health! Good for you!
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  2. Wouldn't it be great to have the Best of Both Worlds. Can you tell I have been exposed to toooooo much Hannah Montana? I have days when I wonder what it would be like not having the kids. But then I realize they make me who I am.
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  3. I SO get this feeling. I often long to be alone. Just alone. But, when I get those few moments at times with no kids and I'm not at work, I'm often at a bit of a loss without them. Grass is always greener, I guess.

    I'm so glad you stopped by our place. Please come back and say hello again!
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