part III The man I almost killed (and final chapter)

After our trip to Tuscon, things were sorta back to normal. Sorta.

I began noticing things about Mr. United Way that irked me something fierce. He was controlling. When we went out with friends, he was only able to enjoy himself when I didn't enjoy myself. If/when I started having fun, it was time to go home. I didn't put this all together all at once, but I started noticing trends.

My work was insane. 12 hours a day was the minimum I was working.

I believe Mr. United Way became more possessive as he became more insecure. I starting spending more and more time with my co-workers and he became more and more insecure.

He booked us a trip to Aruba for a week. I was excited and remembered what had happened on our last trip together so I wanted to be better prepared. We arrived in Aruba via some charter plane and they told us to leave our carry on's as our rooms were not ready as of yet, but all would be delivered to the hotel. I'm not sure of the specifics but I boarded the bus without my carry on and was to see it back at the room at a later time. I believe we hung out at the bar at the end of the pier and watched the sea until it was time for our bags to be delivered. It was all I could think about, changing into my suit on and walking the beach. My carry on was delivered successfully but there were a few things missing, a cheap 35 mm camera and some money for gambling. I'm not much into gambling so I threw about $50 in quarters in my bag for the slots in case I became or needed a break from the beach (HA! That doesn't happen). Anyway, I didn't care much about the missing items. SaLaVie. Who cares about that junk, we are in Aruba, it is beautiful, we are safe we are happy we are together. Well, I was the only one with that attitude.

He freaked out. Our first afternoon there and I heard lecture after lecture after lecture of how trusting I am and how naive and what a silly stupid girl I am. I stormed out of the room and hit the closest convenience shop and purchased most all of their disposable cameras, I then entered the room and threw them onto the bed. He seemed to cheer up and we started dressing for dinner.

During our walk to the restaurant which was in the middle of the desert, not much in between the row of hotels lining the beach and the restaurant we were headed a mile or so into the desert. I like walking. I was intrigued by the desert, as this was only the second desert I'd seen, and I so enjoy cool evening walk. Mesquite trees everywhere and very little lights. The restaurant was lighted and the row of hotels were well lighted, and the desert, so flat and open and vast was light enough for our walk.

He started complaining again about my irresponsibility. This was inconceivable to me, how on earth can you be unhappy in a place like this? I turned to head my way back to the hotel, I was not having dinner with this man, in this condition. I stopped and turned toward a bar to determine if there was anything going on and to give him a chance to catch up with me. He didn't catch up. I couldn't find him. He totally disappeared. He left me in the middle of the desert. BY MYSELF. In a place I have never been, in the dark, with drunk tourists all around.

Oh, I was angry.

I was VERY angry.

Steam was coming out of my head.

I must have anticipated such a thing because I had my drivers license, my money, my credit card and a room key on my person. He usually had me leave these things at the hotel or offer to carry them for me but I was on to him this time.

I didn't go back to the room. I went to the casino in the hotel. I barely looked right or left but sat down and started throwing quarters into a machine. Someone sat down next to me. I started to cry. He was a nice young man, married and doing business in Aruba. He was handsome, very handsome and calming. I explained my circumstances and he agreed that I probably should not go back to the room but make him suffer for his behavior. I wanted to go home, leave him here. He convinced me that I should wait till morning to make that decision. So what do to till morning? He offered to buy me dinner.

We had a wonderful dinner, we talked about his business and his travels, his wife and his little girl at home. After dinner we took a walk. After the walk he asked if I would be interested in seeing the other side of the island, sure I said. We got into his jeep and drove to watch the sunrise.

I was returned in one piece the next morning at 7am.

I entered the room and offered no explanation. Mr. United Way said nothing as well. I then pulled down the sheets and took a nap, when I awoke Mr. United Way was happy and we continued on our vacation. He was still punished for his behavior but we had a great time after that night and nothing was ever said, he asked no questions and I didn't volunteer anything.

Months passed, it was summer and my company was having a picnic. I didn't want Mr. United Way to go as I was still relatively new and I didn't know everyone yet. This was an opportunity to get to know more people within the company other than those I did business with during the day. It was a small company but there was so much going on that it was sometimes difficult getting to know the geniuses when they were being geniuses. Somehow against my better judgement Mr. United Way convinced me that he should come along.

A group of us hung back from the rest of the group drinking some Guinness's in a can, it was a perfect evening. Mr. United Way was starting to get a bit antsy as I was starting to enjoy myself, it doesn't take me very many Guinness's for that to start happening. I have this thing with Guinness, however, as it is a heavy beer, I cannot drink it and eat, so I didn't bother eating. I don't believe I had very much to eat that entire day. One thing I have learned is that in order to maintain a nice drinking buzz feeling you should stop drinking and eat once in awhile, otherwise well, the alcohol really starts affecting me.

The picnic was nearing its end or we ran out of Guinness, not sure which but the party was moved to a dancing hot spot in our downtown area. Mr. United Way came along and at this point I didn't necessarily mind. These were my people and I was having a great time. We danced and drank and drank and danced through the night. It was probably close to midnight and I had more than enough alcohol in my body, but the party was again moving to a co-workers apartment more specifically the pool at the apartment complex. I was rip-roaring ready to go. Mr. United Way said, absolutely not, we were not going to swim.

I was angry and wanted to ditch him and go with them. This was my party, not his and I was having a very lovely time. I started to get into someone else' car and that is when Mr. United Way chimes in and says, well, if we are going to swim you will need your suit. Get in this car and we can go home and get our suits and meet you all back at the apartment. I made sure he knew where to go before we parted company.

Once in the car and moving, Mr. United Way informs me he had no intentions of taking me to the pool party and that the only place I was to go was home in bed. HA! BETRAYAL! Awful mean man. I pouted. I pouted the entire way home. He then became so enraged with my attitude that we began to fight. It got violent.

I never ever ever ever did this before. I never acted this way. I was outside of my body witnessing this Tasmanian devil attack everything in my way. I knew it wasn't just the alcohol in me, there was something much more going on here. I knew it then. I broke the back door to the apartment building. I broke the coffee table. I broke a window, I don't remember how but I was not bloody which is a good thing. I attacked him. He left.

The cops showed up a few moments later.

I was crying.

The cops thought he attacked me. I assured them that was not the case. They assured me that if I was still here when Mr. United Way came home someone would surely be arrested.

I agreed. It wouldn't be the best thing in the world if I stayed that night.

I called my sister to pick me up. I packed up a lot of my stuff while my sister was on her way. I wasn't planning on moving back in.

Even though my head and belly was full of alcohol I knew that there was a lot of anger, a lot of frustration building up inside of me and it was only a matter of time that something like this would happen.

I felt like a caged animal living with him, like his pet. He brought out the worst in me. He showed me how dependent and easily manipulated I had become. He showed me how I lost my way and I needed my independence back. If it was to be had I needed to get out away from him and never look back.

Later, he begged me to return to him. I could not. He blamed the alcohol. I knew that was a symptom but not the cause.

Should I continue the next chapter - 'Just what the Doctor Ordered - MOSTLY'? or not?